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So, you think you’re a chocoholic? You’re not the only one. From the fifteenth century to the modern day, the rich and famous have expounded the virtues of the cocoa bean. Enjoy these chocolate jokes.

Now there is a way to eat chocolate without the guilt. Healthy chocolate. Really. It’s a fruit. A superfood. If only it wasn’t heated, alkalinized, dutched and paired with so much sugar and saturated fats. Discover how you can have chocolate be as healthy as a 1/2 pound of spinach and still taste delicious! Imagine eating chocolate and your doctor praising you on eating your recommended daily allowance of antioxidants!

“Life is like a box of chocolates…You never know what you’re gonna get…”

Forrest Gump in Forrest Gump

“Twill make Old Women Young and Fresh; Create New Motions of the Flesh. And cause them long for you know what, If they but taste of chocolate.”

James Wadworth from ‘A History of the Nature and Quality of Chocolate’

“There’s nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with Chocolate”

Linda Grayson

Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands and then eat just one of the pieces”

Judith Viorst

“A true chocolate lover finds ways to accommodate his passion and make it work with his lifestyle. One key, not just to keeping weight down and staying guilt-free, but also to keeping taste buds sharp (essential for the professionals who evaluate new products as well as judge recipes), Is being discriminating.”

Julie Davis of the Los Angeles Times, 10/30/85

All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt!

Lucy Van Pelt (in Peanuts, by Charles M. Schulz)

“There are four basic food groups, milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles”

Author unknown

“Chocolate is a perfect food, as wholesome as it is delicious, a beneficent restorer of exhausted power…it is the best friend of those engaged in literary pursuits.”

Baron Justus von Liebig, German chemist (1803-1873)

“What use are cartridges in battle? I always carry chocolate instead.”

George Bernard Shaw

“Never mind about 1066 William the Conqueror, 1087 William the Second. Such things are not going to affect one?s life…but 1932 the Mars Bar and 1936 Maltesers and 1937 the Kit Kat – these dates are milestones in history and should be seared into the memory of every child in the country.”

Roald Dahl

“The divine drink, which builds up resistance and fights fatigue. A cup of this precious drink (cacao) permits a man to walk for a whole day without food.”

Montezuma – Aztec Emperor (c. 1480-1520)

“This guy found a bottle on the ocean, and he opened it and out popped a genie, and he gave him three wishes. The guy wished for a million dollars, and poof! There was a million dollars. Then he wished for a convertible, and poof! There was a convertible. And then, he wished he could be irresistible to all women… poof! He turned into a box of chocolates.”

Anonymous

The four things a college student can’t live without: Beer, Pizza, Chocolate, Energy Drinks

The 12-step chocoholics program:

NEVER BE MORE THAN 12 STEPS AWAY FROM CHOCOLATE!

Terry Moore

“Giving chocolate to others is an intimate form of communication, a sharing of deep, dark secrets.”

Milton Zelman, publisher of “Chocolate News”

“Seated high on a golden throne, Montezuma observed by his subjects with reverent awe, repeatedly drank from a golden goblet containing a beverage called chocolatl (or xocolatl). When the Indians honored the Spanish by offering them the bitter, dark brown drink, they explained that the beans from which it was made had come from paradise, and so each sip would bring wisdom and knowledge…”

Readers Digest (1986)

A chocolate in the mouth is worth two on the plate.

If it ain’t chocolate, it ain’t breakfast!

“Liquidum non frangit jejunum.” ([chocolate] liquids, amongst them, do not constitute a break in fasting.)

Cardinal Francis Maria Brancaccio of the Vatican, 1662

Chocolate: Here today …. Gone today!

“Chocolate causes certain endocrine glands to secrete hormones that affect your feelings and behavior by making you happy. Therefore, it counteracts depression, in turn reducing the stress of depression. Your stress-free life helps you maintain a youthful disposition, both physically and mentally. So, eat lots of chocolate!”

Elaine Sherman, Book of Divine Indulgences

Nobody knows the truffles I’ve seen!

Caramels are only a fad. Chocolate is a permanent thing Milton Snavely Hershey

Seen recently on a tee shirt ~ EMERGENCY ALERT: If wearer of this shirt is found vacant, listless, or depressed, ADMINISTER CHOCOLATE IMMEDIATELY.

“It’s not that chocolates are a substitute for love. Love is a substitute for chocolate. Chocolate is, let’s face it, far more reliable than a man.”

Miranda Ingram

Exercise is a dirty word… Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

In College We Learned about The Four Basic Food Groups: Beer, Pizza, Caffeine, and Chocolate.

Chocolate is good for three things. Two of ‘em cannot be mentioned on public television.

“Las cosas claras y el chocolate espeso.” (Ideas should be clear and chocolate thick.) Spanish proverb

Nuts just take up space where chocolate ought to be.

I don’t understand why so many “so called” chocolate lovers complain about the calories in chocolate, when all true chocoholics know that it is a vegetable. It comes from the cocoa bean, beans are veggies, ’nuff said.

Chemically speaking, chocolate really is the world’s perfect food.

Michael Levine, nutrition researcher, as quoted in The Emperors of Chocolate

I could give up chocolate but I’m not a quitter.

Put the chocolate in the bag and nobody gets hurt.

A day without chocolate is a day without sunshine.

Chocolate flows in deep dark, sweet waves, a river to ignite my mind and alert my senses

Chocolate doesn’t make the world go around … but it certainly makes the ride worthwhile!

I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process…. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance?

I am a serious chocoholic. For the serious chocoholic, chocolate is better than sex. If you believe that, you REALLY need to meet that special someone who can change your mind. If you HAVE met that special r chocolate!!!

Chocolate is the best when it melts so creamy and soft in your mouth and it slides down your throat.

Don’t wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty. Chocolate isn’t like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant. And it always feels good.

Lora Brody, author of Growing Up on the Chocolate Diet

If life is like a box of chocolates, then its time for me to buy another box, I seemed to have already devoured all the good ones!

Life is like a box of chocolates, the best ones are half eaten!!

In the beginning, the Lord created chocolate, and he saw that it was good. Then he separated the light from the dark, and it was better.

Chocolate – The breakfast of champions!

“Carob is a brown powder made from the pulverized fruit of a Mediterranean evergreen. Some consider carob an adequate substitute for chocolate because it has some similar nutrients (calcium, phosphorus), and because it can, when combined with vegetable fat and sugar, be made to approximate the color and consistency of chocolate. Of course, the same arguments can as persuasively be made in favor of dirt. ”

Sandra Boynton, author of Chocolate: the Consuming Passion

Chocolate in the morning is what makes moms get through their day!

Man cannot live on chocolate alone; but woman sure can.

Put “eat chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.

Everything I eat should contain either garlic or chocolate, but rarely both

Chocolate: luscious, lumpy. load of love……

“All of the evil that people have thrust upon chocolate is really more deserved by milk chocolate, which is essentially contaminated. The closer you get to a pure chocolate liquor (the chocolate essence ground from roasted cacao beans) the purer it is, the more satisfying it is, the safer it is, and the healthier it is.”

Arnold Ismach, The Darker Side of Chocolate

Simply put… everyone has a price, mine is chocolate!

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